Thursday, August 19, 2010

Eat - Play and Love...NOT PRAY!

Okay I changed it. It was EAT PRAY LOVE...but I got the praying down pat! I am not searching for GOD. I know HIM and I know HE knows me. What a peaceful and restful feeling to know! I am most grateful for that. Thank you Jesus.

So now EAT - eat what. I do not want to gain ten pounds like JR supposedly did in the movie. But I can try different foods. YUM! But where? With whom? I need a eating buddy.
It seems I am searching for something. Is it me? Who am I now? I use to be a wife. I use to be comforted in the fact that my husband loved me and knew everything about me. He took such good care of me...spiritually, mentally and physically. He cared about every area of my life. My children, my family. He loved them.
He appreciated them. I miss him so..He is gone.

Now what?

What do I do?

Who am I?

Where do I go from here?

I looked at a few dating sites. Have these men forgotten about grooming?
My daughter says do not sign up you are not desperate. No, I am not desperate. I know that. But something is missing.
I would love to have a running buddy without the kissing and stuff. How do you find that?
I am 62. That seems so old. YIKES! 62. But I do not feel old. I look at my girldfriends that are single and most are younger. I feel their age. 55 or 56!
I wonder what does people see when they look at me? Do they see a silly old woman on the prowl? I am not on the prowl.

So I asked God today, without conditions from me...what is it that you would have me do the rest of my life? Where is it YOU want me? Is it being single? I am really not interested in being married again. Not really.
I am such a flirt and sometimes I can look back and see how Justin calmed me down when we met.
Is this anxiousness?
I am faithfully going to the gym, eating right and resting good. Those are the three things my pastor told me to do when Justin first died.
I am surrounded by a wonderful group of Christian friends, gym friends and neighbors that love me and only want what is best for me...that is a wonderful feeling.

I have a five day bike riding trip planned for the fall and I am really pushing to get in shape for that and love it. Going to Vermont for the "Three Rivers Bike Tour". How exciting for me! ...then oh no! see, I am already thinking about Thanksgiving and Christmas, seasons....without Justin who loved those times of year much more than I ever did. I need to do different things...but now what?

Make a list. A lists of new and different things...new standards for a dating life.
Family is still here, include them. Make a lists of activites that I can do to help someone else. Okay that sounds good. I will go make my lists and if you can think of any things to add to my lists then please do so...right here.

1 comment:

  1. Hi, my name is Heather! Please email me when you can, I have a question about your blog!

    HeatherVonSJ[at]gmail[dot]com

    ReplyDelete